March 3, 2017 — Now that our engagement is “official,” I’m getting hit with many questions; questions that I can’t answer (because I just don’t know the answers or, in some cases, I don’t even understand the question). For example: “I’m invited to the wedding, right?”; “Where are you getting married?”; “What’s your theme?”
That last question is sort of like asking me “What’s the quadratic equation?” How can I answer that? I’m just a lawyer! (And a caveman… A caveman-lawyer… in an eclipse I think the moon is eating the sun 🌒… OK, you have to watch the clip or else you must have excellent SNL recall).
But seriously, I have no idea what is involved in deciding “a wedding theme” or what that even means. At this point I’m still confident, however, that wedding planning is no big deal. We just want to celebrate. We’ll go to the courthouse alone, maybe with a photographer, and then have a dinner party with the kids later. No biggie, right? (Ha!)
I can figure this out guys. What the hell is a wedding theme? Is this like Halloween? Am I going to be dressed like Princess Leia and Mario is decked out in full Hans Solo? Or is a theme just a reference to flower selection and colors? Or something more?
Confidence slightly shaken, I consult Google and Pinterest for confirmation before I commit to ordering a large double-bun wig:
Wedding Themes. Your wedding invitations, cake and favors are great ways to show off your wedding theme to guests. Whether you love the idea of a beach theme, peacock theme, or country themed wedding, we have all the advice and inspiration you need to make your vision a reality.
But isn’t a courthouse wedding a theme in itself?
After a few searches, I find a serious lack of tasteful civil ceremony ideas. A Practical Wedding has a number of great ideas. And apparently I learn that the theme Bohemian-farm-wedding is trending this year (dominating my Pinterest!) So that’s a theme, right?
Trying to broaden the scope of my search, I consult the one person who knows less about weddings than myself: my ex-husband Jake. The idea of a courthouse ceremony tickles Jake, because, much like myself, he’s also seen his fair share of “civil ceremony fashion” in and around the courthouses at 60 Centre Street.
Jake: “I once had a criminal hearing where the defendant asked to delay the hearing so he could get married,” he describes. “He was wearing a silk baby-blue tux! And she was waiting for him outside the courtroom!” He chuckles. Is he hinting that my wedding will be tacky? Absolutely.
Last week I saw a cute couple getting married at court and the bride was wearing a jumpsuit. (She totally killed it too – but I guess that’s what happens when you are 20-something and getting married, as opposed to 40-something and three kids later… No Jumpsuits, thanks.)
Meanwhile, Jake has been having his own issues with trying to figure out logistics for asking his long-term girlfriend Erin to marry him.
“I told her that I’m finishing up a 21-session marital financial budget class,” Jake says. “She thinks I won’t propose until I’m done with the class.”
Me: “Are you taking a class like that?”
Him: “No, but I had to throw her off! I’ve been coordinating with her sister and her mom.”
SMH. But Jake tips me off that they hope to get married at a farm venue in Pennsylvania. Great. More trendy #BohemianFarmWeddings!
Hmm. Maybe I can combine the Bohemian Farm and the City Hall themes! What does Bohemian-farm-meets-city-hall theme look like? IDK, maybe this?:
Me: “… Uh.”
Mario: “You look beautiful … in that table cloth.”
Me: “Well what does Bohemian-farm-wedding-at-the-city-hall look like anyway?”
Mario: “Maybe this”:
Ok. Mario wins. His is better. I have not seen a single dress that I like and I have no idea what theme I am using, if themes are inherent to weddings, or why that’s a question for a city hall wedding. I am fairly sure there is NO city-hall-farm-wedding in my future anyway. Mario is not much of a farmer and I’m definitely no farmer’s wife! Oh well. We will do “city chic something,” right?
As I contemplate the trouble with themes, another little annoying complication pops up.
Jake: “I’m coming to your wedding, right?”
Me: “Well, uh, you really aren’t invited.”
Jake: “Too bad. I know where the courthouse is and I know the date.”